Dweling in self pity

My vision is deteriorating. Sometimes I find myself dweling inself pity.I pity myself, am I not pityful? I can't see people's faces, you can stand right infront of me and I won't know who you are unless you talk to me. Of course I don't dwell in self pity everyday, there's ups and downs. Sometimes when I am going down I will think of something I am grateful for. Luckily I still have a lot of them in my life, for now.
Last week when I was on my way to work walking with my white cane in the hospital,a man slowly walked up to my mom and I and according to my mom keeps staring at us. He mumbled to himself in cantonese "so pityful, so young already blind, just like my daughter at home". I know many blind people are hiding at home because the society treat them very badly.Even when I walk with my white cane in the hospital, people do not give way to me.I think its because malaysian are not really exposed to people with visual problems and thus are not aware of it.
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Since my vision has deteriorated, my hearing has increased.One day I heard my mom talking over the phone to a friend. No i did not eavesdrop,its my hearing is very sharp already! I heard her saying that when she brings me to the hospital everyday, she can see people staring at me like I am some alien. She also added that luckily I can't see that because it will definately make me very sad. But over hearing it makes me sad too. I am over it now of course. I've learnt to let go much faster now. People can stare all they want, I ddidn't even get stared so much before when my vision is okay!but it makes me think, when my friends bring me out do they mind?maybe i shouldn't go out so much with them anymore since i will only bring them unwanted attention.
Of course shopping and going out is so tedious for me that I myself don't want to go out. I can't enjoy shopping like I used to, I can't watch tv, I can't see myself in the mirror , I can't see where my dog is because his fur blends with the floor, but at least he comes to me when i call him. :)I may have lost my vision, but now I can feel alot more. I feel people who are sincere to me and people who are not.

blind can do powerpoint slides too

Today I had presented my slides the blind way. I use the help of JAWS to present. Instead of using my vision to read what is on the slides, the software helps me to read line by line. The problem is, I put the reading speed too fast, kinda like mumbling my way through. I wish I have learnt it when i was in uni, then I won't have to struggle so much! Nevertheless, I of course got help from a person that has no visual problem to help me check my slides. (and you know who you are).
Sometimes my mom ask me, why I have to go so hard against myself by working since I'm already nearly blind. Many people think blind people are those that has bad past karma and are paying for their bad doing in past lives. Why can't they see is as a challenge from God to teach us lessons in life? Of course its not easy being a visually impaired and deteriorating stage, waiting for the day you will go totally blind, but I know if that day really comse, I will have the support I need.

I read somewhere that unlike humans, birds can regenerate their eye nerves if they are damaged. I think this is because God is fair, a bird cannot live if they are blind, they will fly into buildings! but human can change and adapt, if you can't use your vision, use your hearing. There are people that are less fortunate than me, especially those who are blind and deaf. Can you imagine what life would mean to them?I get my inspiration from other people who are struggling more than me. I've read of a teenager who became paralyzed neckdown aftter a diving accident. He went on with life using pencil in his mouth to follow classes in his university Can you imagine me complaining that i have to use my hearing when a person can single mouthly pick up the keyboard letters one by one with his mouth?.

Its been so long...

It's been so long since I've written a blog. My vision now is so bad I can no longer read even with a zooming software.I am not depending on my JAWS (Job accessed with speech) which has a guy's voice which irritates my friend (ee lin) like hell! (She's just jealous)

It's been four months since I've started working as a pre registered pharmacist. I am struggling everyday working there. Luckily I have many people who are willing to help me. I am especially grateful to my friend, Hoo yee yin.!
I'm not going to write such a long blog because I don't know if it will be posted since its the first time I'm blogging depending on my hearing alone...