Dweling in self pity
My vision is deteriorating. Sometimes I find myself dweling inself pity.I pity myself, am I not pityful? I can't see people's faces, you can stand right infront of me and I won't know who you are unless you talk to me. Of course I don't dwell in self pity everyday, there's ups and downs. Sometimes when I am going down I will think of something I am grateful for. Luckily I still have a lot of them in my life, for now.
Last week when I was on my way to work walking with my white cane in the hospital,a man slowly walked up to my mom and I and according to my mom keeps staring at us. He mumbled to himself in cantonese "so pityful, so young already blind, just like my daughter at home". I know many blind people are hiding at home because the society treat them very badly.Even when I walk with my white cane in the hospital, people do not give way to me.I think its because malaysian are not really exposed to people with visual problems and thus are not aware of it.
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Since my vision has deteriorated, my hearing has increased.One day I heard my mom talking over the phone to a friend. No i did not eavesdrop,its my hearing is very sharp already! I heard her saying that when she brings me to the hospital everyday, she can see people staring at me like I am some alien. She also added that luckily I can't see that because it will definately make me very sad. But over hearing it makes me sad too. I am over it now of course. I've learnt to let go much faster now. People can stare all they want, I ddidn't even get stared so much before when my vision is okay!but it makes me think, when my friends bring me out do they mind?maybe i shouldn't go out so much with them anymore since i will only bring them unwanted attention.
Of course shopping and going out is so tedious for me that I myself don't want to go out. I can't enjoy shopping like I used to, I can't watch tv, I can't see myself in the mirror , I can't see where my dog is because his fur blends with the floor, but at least he comes to me when i call him. :)I may have lost my vision, but now I can feel alot more. I feel people who are sincere to me and people who are not.
Last week when I was on my way to work walking with my white cane in the hospital,a man slowly walked up to my mom and I and according to my mom keeps staring at us. He mumbled to himself in cantonese "so pityful, so young already blind, just like my daughter at home". I know many blind people are hiding at home because the society treat them very badly.Even when I walk with my white cane in the hospital, people do not give way to me.I think its because malaysian are not really exposed to people with visual problems and thus are not aware of it.
.
Since my vision has deteriorated, my hearing has increased.One day I heard my mom talking over the phone to a friend. No i did not eavesdrop,its my hearing is very sharp already! I heard her saying that when she brings me to the hospital everyday, she can see people staring at me like I am some alien. She also added that luckily I can't see that because it will definately make me very sad. But over hearing it makes me sad too. I am over it now of course. I've learnt to let go much faster now. People can stare all they want, I ddidn't even get stared so much before when my vision is okay!but it makes me think, when my friends bring me out do they mind?maybe i shouldn't go out so much with them anymore since i will only bring them unwanted attention.
Of course shopping and going out is so tedious for me that I myself don't want to go out. I can't enjoy shopping like I used to, I can't watch tv, I can't see myself in the mirror , I can't see where my dog is because his fur blends with the floor, but at least he comes to me when i call him. :)I may have lost my vision, but now I can feel alot more. I feel people who are sincere to me and people who are not.
posted by ~Ke3pCooL~ at
10:52 PM
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