Fear of going blind...

Everytime I go to the Gurney Training Center for the blind, I have this fear of going blind just by looking at those who are totally blind. This week I had my very first mobility lesson. Because I still have limited vision left, I had to blindfold myself for the lesson. IT WAS A VERY TERRIFYING EXPERIENCE... The feeling of blank and hopelessness flooded into me. It was especially horrible when I had to go down the stairs..its juz so impossible...
The fear of going blind crept into me every night...I lay for hours just thinking about it..I am holding on to the little vision I had left as if its my life, and I don't know if I can cope if one day I lose it...Of course in front of my parents I have to act strong, but here I can express myself freely..

Can anyone predict the future???

Today, we had introductory classes to orientation and mobility where they teaches how the blind cope with cooking, daily living, going around doing daily chores. Because it was an introductory class, we were asked to introduce ourselves personally. When it comes to my turn, the teacher actually advised that I do not attempt to continue my final semester (semester 8) for my Pharmacy course. I was quite taken aback because so far all the teachers that I’ve met suggest that I continue back after my training. She told about how a student with limited vision lost his/her vision after prolonged use of computer.
I’m in dilemma now... I want to finish the course, but I know finishing the course if not worth it if I lose my eyesight due to it. But job options for visual impairment or blindness are very limited. I can’t do massage due to previous injuries...Another teacher suggested that I take counselling course...I am so lost. I can’t decide what should I do, I always make wrong decisions in my life.

I survived a week at the Gurney Training Center (GTC)!!

Today is Friday! I survived one week of training. But it was just a very free week because apparently the timetable was not ready yet. I wanted to ask my teacher "Is the timetable prepared by a blind person too?" but decided not to be too sarcastic instead...

One thing I realized from this five days is, blind people are more closely bonded to each other, its inevitable especially if you are fully blind (you need people to help you around) and also if you are partially sighted (you need to help those that are fully blind). I've never helped a blind person in my life, and actually it feels great to be needed, and it gives me a sense of self worth. Being blind also brings people closer and there are less racial discrimination (can't choose your seat if you are blind!). There was actually a funny thing I've encountered, we were lining up in a line, and behind me was two chinese who were both fully blind (ie,cannot see at all) and they were talking to each other in Malay. I turned around and said in mandarin to them "why are you two speeaking in malay? Did you know that both of you are chinese?' Both of them burst out laughing and started conversing in Chinese (way lot faster).

This week I've only started learning braille. My class has seven students and they all are at least SPM graduates. The teacher said we were learning at a very fast pace. But it was a very relaxing week due to no timetable.Braille is quite difficult to learn for me because my fingers are not sensitive at all! I can type but reading is difficult, and becasuse I had partial vision, I look with my eyes too! which according to the blind it is cheating!I have many more things to write, but I think my eyes need some rest now...will update again soon....

I have so many things to be thankful for...

It's been a week since I've join the Malaysia Association for the Blind for their Gurney Training School. I decided to join because my only left eye that can be see are slowly getting blurrier and I was afraid that one day I may go completely blind. I was very lucky that I joined early, because there were people that actually lost their vision totally and to watch how they cope with it just makes me feel so blessed. Although there's a chance that one day I may be like them, at least I get more time to be prepared.

A funny experience of being a visually impaired person...

During the end of my semester 7, we had a briefing in the Uni regarding the preparations that we have to for semester 8. Because my vision was so horrible, I had to sit right in front, but when I went into the class, all the students were sitting quite high up and the lecturer was in the process of projecting his slides on the projector. As I walkied up the stairs to choose a higher seat, I realized suddenly there is a very very bright light shining at me, as if i was walking into 'the light'...hahaha, little did I know that I was walking into the light of the projector!!! The lecturer must be quite shocked why I am blocking the screen...luckily i quickly move aside after realizing what I had done and quickly took the nearest seat available. At that time, I feel very depressed, because I knew that my vision has deteriorated again because I was unable to read what was on the slides at all but only manage to see shadow. Nevertheless, I went thru the whole session, and I realize, if I can't learn from my eyes, I'll have to depend on my other senses. I just hope that visual aids are more widely available here in malaysia. Are there no visually impaired people in malaysia???